My TV Doesn't Work for Good Channels

I just noticed over the last week that my television is crappier than previously thought.

So I've had this thing since I was like 13, so it's now over 7 years old. It has a VCR still built into it - not that it's a good one that works, but it's there nonetheless - and it has wavy lines all over the screen. The kind that when cable is sort of cruddy and you haven't watched the channel lately, the ones higher up on the dial, they fuzz out? That's sort of what my TV does to every channel.

But now I discover that like 3+ channels that I usually watch have no sound to them. Like, silent movie without the music. I can't watch E! (which is a problem, because that's where "The Soup" is). I can't watch TBS (which is where "Conan" is). And I can't watch USA (which is where "House" marathons and general time wasters are).

I don't know when this started, but I don't get why some channels are perfectly fine (like the never watched Nickelodeon) but these other ones aren't.

Geeks are Mean!

I'll admit it: I tried to use torrents. And it didn't work out.

I'm a little bit of an anglophile, which is a little bit of an understatement. So I was looking around the interwebs to watch The Thick of It, the really funny show that spawned In The Loop. Over on this side of the Atlantic, it's damn near impossible to find, so I went looking around and found the first DVD online. After watching it, I was banned from the site. Why? Because nerds want a better description of the file they're getting, and mine wasn't detailed enough.

Ugh! How rude are these dorks?!

Lost Is The Abusive Boyfriend I Never Wanted

There are a few shows that I've become obsessed with over the years. My first two "Must See TV" shows were Alias and West Wing (both of which I own on DVD and still watch, in sequence). Later came my current obsessions of House, Damages, Big Bang Theory and Glee. The obsession I don't talk about as much is with Lost, and I'll tell you why: because I love the show, but I'm not as hardcore as Anne Gould Northgraves.

I will say this, though: in my time in London, I really didn't watch the show at all. Yeah, I know, it's the 6th and final season of a cult hit. Yes, I followed it from the beginning. But I didn't have the patience to put up with it when I was enjoying a different country and all their TV 0fferings.

I decided that since it was summer and the show was ending soon, I really should catch up with the last 15 episodes. And I am soooooo confused right now. I won't go into details, but I'm only at episode 2, and I'm really wondering why I decided to get back into this show.

I mean, think about it. I love the show, but it hurts me to follow it around. It's like an abusive boyfriend. Everytime I try to go away, I get bitch slapped (or flash sideways-ed) into submission!

I just hope it doesn't take Maury to get me out of this.

RIP Wishbone

I don't know if this is true or not, but I heard from fairly reliable sources (Kristin) that the dog who played Wishbone on PBS has died. I know the original dog from the pilot died quite some time ago, but apparently they had like the same dog doing a lot of the episodes and he just died recently.

So in memoriam, I leave you with the theme song and the memories of this adorable Jack Russell Terrier.

Reason #583929 To Like Sesame Street

Yeah, it's a kid's show. But is it really?

Swine Flu: We Had The Warning Signs!

So everyone and their brother (or my uncle, who actually has it) has been freaking out about the Swine Flu. To the point where kids here are about to make shirts that say "I Survived Swine '09." But people, we saw the signs and ignored them.

I mean, come on. We're on Season 6 of House now, and Amber died from flu-like symptoms way back in season 4.

Remember when she was on the bus sneezing and shit before she got thrown and all liver-damaged? Yeah. She had the flu. In New Jersey, at a college hospital where it can spread quick. You know what this means.

Cutthroat Bitch started Swine '09 way back in '08. Thanks, Amber. Sorry, Wilson.

Beatles' Progeny

Let us now discuss The Beatles, and some of their children.

This bit on The Tonight Show got me thinking about how very little attention is paid to some of The Beatles' kids (and how apparently good looking/looking like their dads they are. Dhani Harrison, my dear, where have you BEEN?!). Yes, Stella McCartney has her own fashion line. And Julian and Shawn Lennon look insanely like their dad. But other than that, do you really hear about George's kids? Or Ringo's? I don't even know if Ringo has kids, much less have seen them talked about on television or whatever.

Oh, and in case it's hard to tell, Dhani Harrison (George's son) is not only a musician, but one of the designers of The Beatles' Rock Band. He's the one playing the drums in the clip.

Snakes On A Cane

Usually, viral marketing works best for stupid movies and such. More like cult subjects. But when I was flipping channels last night and landed on FOX, this website popped up called "Snakes on a Cane."

Turns out it's just a website with a countdown to the premiere of House. Which...

...good job, marketing. Viral might be the way to go.

Is This Real Life?

No, no it is not. It is cartoon life.

So after that last post about Coldplay becoming Simpsonized in September, it got me thinking. What would I look like as a character from several popular television shows? So after some snooping around on the internet, I found out.

Let's start out with The Simpsons, with me being the one in the tight pink shirt as Homer stares at my yellow knockers in the bar. This looks nothing like me, obviously. The girl has way more skin tone than me (although I'm gaining ground after the Outer Banks trip). She does have a decent figure, which is nice. But her shoes are fugly, her hair is all wrong and the eyebrow-less thing isn't right at all.

I got a little closer to what I look like with the South Park avatar creator. The hair was closer to what it looks like (especially when it's humid out and it goes to shit), and it had eyebrows (although not in black like mine are, compared to my brown hair. Mine are a remnant of a dark childhood head of hair, and stubbornly refuse to change hue no matter what hair dye I put in them as I dye the rest of my head). Regardless, the necklace, the hair, and the shirtdress were closer to what I likened myself to as a cartoon.

Plus, South Park totally gives me license to curse as much as I want. Which...is good (I'm a lady on the inside, I swear).

Hands down, my favorite was the "Mad Men Yourself!" feature on the Mad Men site over at AMC. It lets you pick whether you're a "Suit" or a "Skirt," and then you go from there. Clearly, this is what I might look like a few decades ago (or a few decades from now, with the hair), but I like it. This was the first cartoon maker that even when you pick yourself a less skinny model for your bod, it still looked sexy, especially with the clothes they give you. And that's a plus for me, because I'm not a stick. With the hair, lipstick and eyebrows? Not going to lie, it kind of looks like what I was going for at senior prom.

Plus, it puts me in the world of one of my favorite shows in the world.

Now if they only did this for House? I'd be totally sold.

And They Were All Yellow

One more reason why I love Coldplay? They're willing to go yellow. In more ways than one.

According to BBC Entertainment (which is pretty trustworthy, at least more than E! Online and about on par with EW, because that's kind of their job to know), my favorite band will be made Simpsons in a September episode. The article reports:

The band will reportedly be hired by Homer to play a private concert for him and
Bart after he wins the lottery.

"When Bart goes to the bathroom, Coldplay
has to stop," executive producer Al Green told US website Entertainment Weekly.

See, they're talented and have a great sense of humor. As if Chris Martin singing at the end of Bruno wasn't enough indication.

Mad About This Show

Oh my GOODNESS I want this to start up already. I'm hoping the show is as good as the poster.
And I'm pretty sure it will be, considering last season's finale.

Supermassive Awards Show

I'm both excited by and fearful of the upcoming MTV VMAs.

I'm excited because my ratnest-haired love Russell Brand is once again hosting the awards (hopefully with better results than last year's "retarded cowboy fella" incident). I'm even more excited because British band Muse is performing for the first time.

I'm saddened, however, by the fact that Muse is probably only playing because they were recognized from Twilight and the baseball game scene when the kick-ass "Supermassive Black Hole" was playing in the background.

I guess I have to take what I can get and just enjoy the fact that they're performing. And that there might be more chastity ring jabs at the JoBros now that Kevin is getting married.

Live Long and Prank

I didn't mention this before, but I got a text last night from Anne that tickled my inner nerd's humerus.

"So some guy just called my work asking for James Kirk and a weird kid with straight dark hair and pointy eyebrows. I was the only one who realized that we were being prank called to look for Spock and Kirk from Star Trek."

Not to be a geek, but for someone to not recognize Spock or Kirk is pretty damn illogical. And not just because I'm a nerd who saw the movie(s, if you include Galaxy Quest). I'm saying this because they're kind of pop culture icons of geek idolarity.

And because the movie was a blockbuster, and anyone who reads a magazine or watches TV has probably seen the commercials for it.

Um...No Gracias

Ugh, as if Venezuela needs any more trouble.

Mickey Mouse here (whoever got this picture, thanks a bunch!) has decided to impose more restrictions on the Venezuelan media by making cable and satellite channels carry more speeches by Hugo Chavez on a regular basis, a so-called "democratizing the airwaves" idea.

Now, I'm all for watching political speeches. I try to catch them when Obama makes them here, and I tried to catch Bush and Clinton before him (to make fun of them with Dad).

But I don't think that a cable network should be forced to carry the presidential speeches. I think that they're certainly important and that the people around the country should have access to them, so they know what the hell is going on with their country.

But I don't think that a network should be forced to broadcast it. I mean, imagine if every channel was forced to carry State of the Unions rather than just the big 4 (ABC, CBS, NBC, and FOX). It would be like when the 9/11 footage was on every waking moment on every channel except Disney. And really, I don't want my State of the Union speeches on every channel.

Although it would be an improvement on the VH1 programming schedule, I'll give you that.

30 Rock or House? Oh, and When Do You Shave?

I got the weirdest telemarketer survey yesterday afternoon.

So I was sitting around cataloguing my music (I made it to about John Mayer in the 13+ GB of my iTunes library. Which is progress for me) and trying to avoid watching the Michael Jackson Memorial by catching up on my Conan on Hulu when the phone rings out of nowhere.

I was a little perturbed already because our cordless phones interrupt the wireless internet signal, and the Tonight Show froze about halway through Max Weinberg's drum solo. But since I know telemarketing must suck as a job.

The guy that talked to me said that he wasn't selling anything (fine) and that he was looking for women in my age demographic, about 16 to 35 I believe. Which makes sense, we're a huge buying market and ordinarily harder to reach because we aren't home around dinner and prefer cell phones to landlines (thanks, J Research!).

The part that got my attention was "These questions may seem a little personal to you, but I assure you, the answers will be kept completely confidential." Um...what?

He then asked me how many times a week I shave my legs, underarms, or any other part of my body. Fair enough, I admit that I shave. And I didn't mind sharing that information with someone who would keep it confidential.

He then asked me how many sitcoms and dramas I ask a week.

Now looking back on this, I realize that they're trying to figure out where to place ads for hair removal products like Nair and razors and all the Schick trimmers to mow your lawn, as the controversial commercial espouses.

But if I was going to give the telemarketer any advice on his delivery, I would find some sort of segue between the two. It's a little odd to be asked how hairy your legs are and then if you watch more Big Bang Theory than CSI, you know?