Morgan Pepper, if you're reading this, please sit down.Just found out that Ugly Jonas (can't remember his name, it's the oldest one) just got engaged to his girlfriend. I question this decision on a few grounds.
First of all, Ugly, you're making a good portion of the psychologically underdeveloped and/or disturbed female tween population that inexplicably find you "dreamy" and "hot." Morgan Pepper being one of them.
Second of all, you're what, 22ish? I mean, you're old enough to drive, drink, and vote, but I would personally wait a little bit before you got married. I know the purity ring is starting to burn and you want it NOW, but really, do you want to get married at 22 when you have (screwed up) groupies throwing themselves at you? You could totally have a fling with Demi Lovato or whatever the other one's name is right now! I would suggest Miley to slut it up, but she's otherwise occupied with your younger (cuter) brother.
Third, I take pity on your fiancee. You've been dressing like an ugly version of JC Chasez, and it's not working for you (JC? You can dress as dandy as you want, because you're the most eloquent judge on America's Best Dance Crew, and I love you for that and your white boy bowties). You have a voice higher than my sister Corinne and more annoying than Aaron Carter (which...wow). I have heavy suspicions that you are an undercover brother. I give you 5 years before we find you making out in Les Deux with Lance Bass.
Don't give them water after midnight, they're breeding already.
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