Hey Flunkee! Your Music Sucks

Dear Summer School Students -


It has come to my attention that you not only can't pass 7th grade algebra, but that you have shitty taste in music.
I

I have no problem with you listening to music so long as I can't hear it. If it helps you work better, fine. If you're ignoring your work because you're listening, that's cool too, just do it quietly.


I have no reason to be listening to your shit gangsta rap (because you're from the mean streets of Delaware) or Justin Bieber (makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop).


Thanks much. Keep on working/dicking around.

Lasagna: Now With More Carbs

Naturally, this happens when I leave the UK.

It just came out that food giant Tescos has just started making lasagna sandwiches for their premade food section. Now I don't know how good this would be cold, but you guys! I mean, this is a Friday night drunk food miracle for kids at uni all throughout the UK! I'm mad jealous right now.

Business in the Front, Party in the Back, Banned in the Middle East

It's happened. Iran banned the mullet.

Along with ponytails and spiky hair, mullets are no longer allowed in Iran. And I gotta tell you, for once I totally agree with Iran. The haircut is gross and sort of looks like you got your hair cut in a hurry. Like you didn't have enough time for them to get to the back of your head before you had to run out of the stylists' chair and away from the COPS cameramen trailing you to your...well, trailer.

I will say this, though. I do appreciate the fact that the USA gives me the freedom to have shitty hair. I mean, it doesn't make the mullet any less gross. But I do have the freedom to choose to look like a hot mess.

USA! USA! USA!

Monday = Beach Day

So the issue here is that my friends and I never have off work at the same time, and therefore we need to hang out on a pretty finite schedule.

So when Anne and I realized that she'd be gone in a week to go to Honduras until August for volunteering - and I would be working 2 jobs as usual - we decided that hanging out must commence. One of us threw out the idea of going to the beach for half a day, and this little day trip was born.

The plan thus far is to meet at my house at 11:45 and trek down together to get some sun and surf in, then grab a pizza for dinner and get back by like 9. Should be pretty good weather, fingers crossed!

Now With 100% Less Wisdom Teeth!

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

I went to get the much dreaded surgery done on Friday morning, after hearing many many horror stories of chipmunk cheeks and feeling funny. So after they put the awkward hair net and the blood bib on me, they left for like an hour, leaving my Mom and I like no good magazines to read and nothing much to do in that room. Then Dr. Doherty walks in all calm, looking very tan and blonde and friendly, shoots me up with something, and the next thing I remember is waking up asking Mom the same like 3 questions over and over in the recovery room.

After sleeping for like 2 hours on an ice pack I woke up feeling fine and hungry. A bowl of Jell-O pudding and some pain meds later, I was good to go. To the point where the same day I got them out, I was at the pool hanging out with Corinne and her motley crew. No swelling, no illness, no wisdom teeth.

I mean, yeah, I was on the pudding-pasta diet for like 3 days, which was fun for like a minute. And I hated the gauze mouth bit, it felt really weird. But it was an awesome excuse to not go to work, and I feel pretty good.

Kelly Paul Makes A Porno

You have to understand that Kelly Paul is like the shyest and most fun girl ever, and not really the one I expect to make a porn.

Well, unless it involves puppets.

Then maybe I could see it.

Teenagers Bug The Living Shit Outta Me

(And yes, this blog post's title is a reference to My Chemical Romance)

I've been working summer school for about 3 summers now, and this is my second summer as a paraprofessional. Basically what that means is that I fill in for teachers when they're not here - like this week, when one is at a conference - and I make sure that people are working and that the tech they're using is as well.

So as I've been in for the English teacher this week, I've had to not only grade and keep everyone sort of quiet (whether they work or not is their choice, not, my issue - as long as they don't bug me or others, I'm okay with whatever they choose to do), but also take attendance. I don't know the kids personally, and I only know a few of their names because a few are repeat offenders of summer school. So I've been taking attendance by going around the room and getting peoples' names.

Unfortunately for me and their attendance records, they've been telling me the wrong names to mess with me. I thought this kid Malcolm was this other kid Ahmad this whole time. And the boys in the corner? Forget it. They've been giving me each others' names as well.

Now call me crazy, but if I'm being forced by my parents and my school to go to summer school because I slacked off during the year, I want to get credit for getting my ass out of bed at 6 AM over what should be my summer vacation. I want to make sure that even if I'm not working, even if I'm screwing around on video games (like most of the kids here seem to d0), that I'm marked down present so my mom doesn't get called and I get whooped.

Ugh. Teenagers. Can't believe I was one.